Starting over. Ohhh Man!
Gives me the same reaction the hyena’s in the film Lion King had on the mention of Mufasa’s name. Tiny glowing sparks shoot from my stomach and head for my spine where they explode in chilly bursts along the length, starting at the base and ending where my neck meets my skull. All of this happens in less than 2 seconds but the effects can last for weeks. Change. Argh…there they go again.
I woke up to an sms saying my car had been sold today. My car had been repossessed after my failing to regularly pay for it and now its in someone else’s possession. It was my first car and I loved it for 6 years. The repo movement is one of many that are a repercussion of the economic downturn. Things are tough everywhere. But my brain refused to register that this morning as I read the sms again and concaved into my sadness.
Over the past months I’ve lost everything I’ve held dear and recognising this as a lesson, reluctantly embraced it. I realise that my life as I knew it is no more and that because it had come to an end, I could no longer hold on to any pieces that were from that era. Ha! Trust me, its easier written than done. But why would I want to if all it does is make the process longer? No, I don’t feel relieved that my car is not mine anymore…I truly feel heartbroken, however it is done. That (I believe) was the final bolt in the door of my turbulent 20’s and the messes (good and bad – yes, there are good messes) that I had created. Now, as I turn to my future and ready myself to take that first step, I can truly smile and say, ‘It is DONE’.
Whilst travelling on my journey of blooming, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I was not meant for a 9-5 career. Its been a heartwrenching discovery to encounter because I was and in many ways still am that woman. I’ve spent 10 years working very hard for other people and each time it has failed. I’ve been retrenched twice, and contracts have ended numerous times. My last part-time job I left because my sanity was worth far more than the peanuts I was being paid. Yes, its a tough economy, but if my best is not enough then I will leave the temp to perm job where I report to a woman who calls me stupid and lazy everyday despite the fact that she’d given me 2 business units to handle (which I excelled in) because she felt I was ready to take over in 3 weeks. Without prior experience in accounting! I knocked it out of the park. I was that good, but it didn’t work out. The whole desk, manager thing. It’s not for me. It has taken me years to admit that. All this time I’ve been focussing on the wrong thing. Not anymore, I’m ready to take that leap of faith, and SING!.
Its my second attempt at singing as a career, and it will be my final attempt because I’m going to stick with it. I’m not doing shabbily either. I have a nice feature coming up, I have a song on rotation on the number one youth radio station in the country. This same song has been set as the opening song of a successful reality franchise starting in SA soon and another song of mine was featured in a tv dating show that’s growing viewership weekly. Not to mention the three videos off my album that are rotating on various music channels. I’m not off to a bad start.
I WILL build my empire, one song at a time.