I don’t know whether I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve just turned 30. And while I was celebrating on my birthday, my celebrations soon came to a quick HAULT!
Apparently your metabolism isn’t the only thing that slows down when you approach 30. I found that my state of Self slowly deteriorated leading up to my very late twenties. Various things just started eating away at my state of Queenship. I let Black Knights run away with my heart and I listened tentatively to conniving pawns that came mostly in forms of self-doubt and fear.
I now find myself at a place where I’ve forgotten to do me. Things that I knew to be habitual about myself are now suddenly strange and unfamiliar. I don’t know how to be that fierce Tigress who took everything in her stride anymore. I’ve lost that power that used to flow out of me like Nzinga – the warrior queen of Angola. I can’t find my ability to create my destiny as opposed to just react to what life throws at me – and then call it fate. I basically need to relearn everything that I thought I’d figured out. Again.
I need to find these. In my search of having it all, they are my most prized ingredients much like saffron is to that indian curry. I need them to jazz up my very mundane life and elevate me from just normal curry to a saffron infused BANGER.
Ok, so now I’ve identified the need. Supplying the solution is yet another journey I need to live through before I can write about it.
Send me luck!